I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
