Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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