You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize