I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and she was petting her beer can
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
