I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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