I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
