we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
