Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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