What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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