Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
