she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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