so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
