I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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