We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
