Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
