very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
