the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
