My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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