My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
