Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
