my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He? As in you personified your dick?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have already put on my inside pants.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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