so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
