u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize