9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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