you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
