I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Acid is not a monday night drug
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
