If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
