Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
