Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
