Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
