we're blogging at a bar
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
