If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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