Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
