lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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