Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My cat gives me a boner
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
