Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
