Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
