Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
