I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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