I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
