and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
