Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
