I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
