the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
