I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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