So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
