Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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