haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
