I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
