I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
