I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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