I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
