Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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