I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
