put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
