i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
not ubering you a puppy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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