It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
