I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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