I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
