OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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