I think my fart just growled at me.
Welp...herpes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
