That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
