we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
