so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
FUCK WHALES
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
