So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
