Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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