The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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