I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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