Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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