its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
