if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
