the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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