do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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