Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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