This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize