Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
