you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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