god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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