I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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