I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
