Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
