guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
