the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this just has baby written all over it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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