I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
