I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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