The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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