I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
