why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
