Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
