Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
