Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
