I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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