New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
