I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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