He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
false alarm, still single
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize