I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
