I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
