Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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