Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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