it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
