I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
