i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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