ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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